


Conduct Conducive to Exorbitant Elusion

by Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains



Series: Of Tears and Ash [23]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Genre: Banter, Gen, Ridiculous dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25796959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains/pseuds/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains
Summary: Iphicles tries to tell Orestes a story, but things go awry.
Series: Of Tears and Ash [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1050806
Kudos: 8





	Conduct Conducive to Exorbitant Elusion

**Author's Note:**

> This is another one of my HTLJ fics from 2018 (set in my "Of Tears and Ash" AU) that I never posted, but decided I might as well, considering the time I put into them. Once again, since I'm no longer really in the fandom, I'm backdating this to when I wrote it, so no one thinks I'm suddenly back into HTLJ.

Iphicles shot a furtive glance over in the direction of his friend Orestes, walking alongside beside him at the back of the caravan.The afternoon sun was high in the sky above, but it was obscured by enough cloud cover that the heat which descended upon the land like a blanket dropped from the celestial domain of Olympus was not an unbearable one, but rather one which could be withstood, albeit with a fair degree of annoyance.Based on Orestes composure, Iphicles deduced that his friend was rather caught up in thoughts of his own.He had a fair mind to launch the first salvo in the latest round of their ongoing game of persuasion.He decided that in the process of this, it might be equally entertaining to do his best to catch his friend off guard and attempt to bamboozle him through sheer verbosity, much like he had tried to do earlier that morning.

Iphicles cleared his throat and casually remarked to his companion, “Say now, Orestes, after that little incident this morning, I feel that I should make some attempts at amends, in order to lay the matter to rest.Tell me, do you think that a bit of storytelling would be an acceptable means of reconciliation to you?”

Orestes looked over to Iphicles.The look which entered his eyes signaled that he knew well enough what Iphicles was up to.Nevertheless, Iphicles wasn’t about to be put off from his objection.A plan was forming in his mind, and he had every intention of carrying it out, however ridiculous it might be.

Orestes chewed at his lip for a few moments, appearing as though he was pondering the question and deliberating over the answer which he would eventually deign to provide.At last, he nodded.“Very well, my friend, I believe that a narrative reparation will be acceptable to me.Do not delay however, and commence immediately in the conveyance of this narrative, for I am rather weary of the road, and would like some manner of entertainment to delight my tired mind.”

Iphicles smiled amiably at his friend.It was clear now that Orestes had every intention of using a tactic similar to Iphicles’s own, based on the length and complexity of his response.There could be no doubt about it; the game was now very much afoot.Iphicles determined that it was time to initiate the plan which he had concocted.Though it was still not fully formed in his mind, he opted to make the most out of what he had, and finish up the rest of it as he weaved his tale.

“Of course, of course, I will be nothing short of delighted to do just that without any further hesitation.Allow to regale you with the story of a dilemma in which I have found myself, and circumstances which led to my present position,” Iphicles said innocuously.

“Though I cannot say for certain that I will be regaled by a tale of that nature, I will let you attempt to do so.Feel free to proceed whenever you are ready,” Orestes responded.

Iphicles nodded affably.“You see, this tale is not a straightforward one, but rather an anecdote which verges upon the qualifications necessary for consideration for induction into the well-recognized and respected canon that exists for accounts which have been deemed epic in their scope by scholars who devote their time to the study of such things.”

Orestes tilted his head.“Is that so?I must say, I’m truly intrigued by the prospect.My interest is piqued, as the saying goes, though I know not who coined it.”

“Ah,” Iphicles remarked with a chuckle, “Are we ever truly aware of the progenitors of such expressions?These idioms have inundated the vernacular which we utilize, thus disseminating it even further across the face of the earth, but still, the originators who first conceived of such turns of phrase remain an abstract concept, lost to the haze of time.Eventually, these idiomatic expressions are excepted by a wider populace, and come to be viewed as a shared notion, embraced by many, with no one able to claim the title of author or creator.It is an interesting phenomenon, is it not?I find it rather fascinating to consider the paths by which the peculiar and particular features of our lexicon are spread.”

Orestes wriggled his eyebrows critically.“I suppose you have a point good Iphicles, but I cannot help but feel as though you are diverging from the topic which yourself raised not long ago.Let us keep our focus fixed upon the narrative which you wish to enlighten me of, if you would be so kind?”

“But of course, my friend, but of course,” Iphicles assured Orestes with a plastered-on grin that shone with all the trappings of insincerity.“You are most correct.I became rather sidetracked there for a moment.I am sorry for the lapse of concentration on my part.You have my thanks for setting me back upon the path which I intend to follow from this point forward.”

“Very good, my friend,” Orestes replied.“Now please, I do not wish you to hesitate any further on my account, but I feel as though I must ask you at least one more question.”

“That is not a problem at all,” Iphicles promised his companion.“I fully believe in allowing my audience to pose as many questions as they feel necessary, in order to wholly satisfy their curiosity regarding the subject which I am speaking about.It would be a notable shortcoming if I left an audience with unanswered questions, as that might result in an incomplete understanding on their part, which could underline the very purpose of my speech or story in the first place.With that in mind, I encourage you to — no, I request myself, ask me this question which still plagues upon your mind.”

“Very well then, I shall consent to do just that,” Orestes responded.“Now, allow me a bit of preamble to my query, if you will.”

“That is acceptable to me,” Iphicles confirmed.

“Marvelous, my friend,” Orestes stated.“Now, you said that you believe this particular tale to be something of an epic, or at the very least, within that general vicinity, do you not?”

“I do believe that to be the case, yes,” Iphicles affirmed.

“Now, correct me if I assume wrong, but, good Iphicles, from my experience, epics are usually quite lengthy affairs, are they not?”

“That is true,” Iphicles agreed.“They are substantial in size.”

“That was my impression,” Orestes mused.“And as well, they generally contain one long narrative, spread out over the course of numerous incidents which comprise the whole, right?”

“Yes, that seems to be an accurate characterization to me,” Iphicles concurred, a slight degree of suspicion in his voice, as an inkling of where Orestes was going with the prologue to his question rose to the surface of his mind.

“Then, forgive me if I seem to forward, but it seems to me that it would be a rather unpleasant experience for an audience to hear one portion of an epic, but be prevented from hearing the remainder of it until another time,” Orestes observed.“What say you to that?”

“I suppose that you have a point,” Iphicles assented cautiously.“I can understand how some audiences might find that an unenjoyable listening experience.”

“Indeed, indeed, I’m glad that you can appreciate my perspective on the matter,” Orestes opined.“Now, with all of this preceding material in mind, take into consideration the situation in which we currently find ourselves.Given that we are guarding the caravan, I am sure that I do not need to explicitly tell you all of the things which could potentially disrupt your storytelling.”

Iphicles was now quite certain where his friend was headed with this, and he had to admit, Orestes had played his hand well, so to speak.His tactic was a sound one.

“You do not.I understand that of which you speak,” Iphicles attested.

“Excellent, excellent,” Orestes said, looking a bit too happy with himself.“That brings me to my original question.”

“Which would be?”Iphicles inquired, knowing full well what the answer was.

“Do you not think it would be more prudent to wait until a later occasion to reveal this story to me, preferably a time when you would have the opportunity to disclose the entirety of it, uninterrupted?If you truly wish to make amends, I feel it would be best to make listening to your story as pleasant as an experience of possible.Taking this route would ensure that.”

“Hmm,” Iphicles pursed his lips in annoyance, knowing that he had been effectively outwitted, at least for the moment.“I believe I can see the reason in that.Alright, I will wait until a later time to share my tale with you.”

“You have my thanks for that, good Iphicles,” Orestes commented, smiling brightly.Iphicles could see through the act without any difficult.

“Well played,” Iphicles remarked quietly after a few moments had passed.

“Why thank you,” Orestes responded.Iphicles rolled his eyes, smirking internally.He wasn’t about to give up yet.Orestes might believe he had outmaneuvered his companion, but in reality, Iphicles was already devising a new plan of attack.One way or another, he was determined to win this round.


End file.
